|What face would you make while having your beard yanked by someone just cute enough to get away with it?|
You know, the ones who just had a baby and are so happy they literally do not know what to do with themselves? The ones who post so many near-identical pictures online of their (often funny-looking) bundle of joy's every move that if you scroll through them really fast it looks like a home video? The ones who will spot you at a block's distance, sprint in your direction, pounce acrobatically upon you and begin firing 8"x10" glossies at your face like ninja stars while shrieking "LOOK AT THE FUCKING BABY!!!" You know, those?
Well, I'm not one and I'm pretty proud of myself for it. Hell, if you didn't know me that well, you might assume I was a nonparent. I do have a kid, but I'm not about to climb up on my roof, go to the very edge, hold him up like baby Simba and repeatedly scream "YES!" at the top of my lungs. He's a baby. He does the same baby things every other baby does, give or take a few months. I do think he's pretty cool sometimes, but I realize that mine is a slightly biased opinion where that particular infant is concerned.
More importantly, I realize how little most people care. (Hell, the only reason I get away with posting daddetails on here is...well...it's my site, dammit. Nobody reads this shit anyway.) I care. If you care, that's good too. I just realize most people do not. Not only do I take no offense to this, I totally understand.
Why should more than maybe 25 people care whether baby DX attempted to almost crawl the other day, or what face he makes when he doesn't want to be fed for the next 4 minutes, or whether he recognizes his name? (Which I hope he does soon, because I'm sick of saying his name on the back of every sentence and feeling ignored as fuck.) I save those discussions for his mommy, people who are also interested in babies, and those...you know...ask.
To draw a parallel, you may know that I'm a fan of the Dallas Cowboys. (If not...hi, I'm AJ.) I personally think that they are the greatest football team currently in existence, and no amount of logic or losing seasons can tell me different. I check 'Boys related things often, am up to date with any and all girdiron happenings even in the offseason, and generally display signs of strong interest in the team.
However, I realize that not everyone is a Cowboys fan, or even a football fan (for some reason). Some people may not like sports at all. Becoming one of those parents would be something like walking up to anybody I know and beginning to rattle off stats, draft picks, training camp schedules, season outlooks, player updates, and other things that many people may not understand and could not give one single fuck about even if they did.
Instead, I retain multiple facets to my personality so I have something vaguely interesting to say to everybody. I'm not just a Cowboys fan, just a parent, just a writer, just a tacoholic, just a lighter rider, just a cap enthusiast or just anything else...I'm still AJ, fuckdammit! I have an entire personality that is made up from all my interests, yet not totally dominated by any one. You know...a whole person?
I'm not here to dump on enthusiastic parents. Honestly, it's something I wish I had sometimes, as enthusiasm is the Vicodin of the spirit when faced with a difficult task. I'm not saying I'm somehow ashamed of being a parent. I mostly like the kid, and think with the proper training, the youngling can do daddy proud one day. I'm sure many people feel that way and still want other people to shut the fuck up about their children sometimes, though.
All I'm saying is it's possible to be a parent without being one of those parents...and you'll probably keep more friends too (including your kid when he/she finds out you did not post their entire life up to the age of 13 online and is eternally grateful).