Girl Talk (A letter to the otherside)

*fittedwearer's note: special thanks go out to Nadine, who's completely uncalled for narration of her...process...disgusted me into action on this. Thx a lot...

So, I'm gonna say something to the ladies in the room on behalf of the dudes, this needed to be said for a while...and please take this to heart.

Dear Ladies:

See now, I love y'all but...nobody wants to hear about your cycle. (Yeah, I don't like saying or typing the actual word, because...yeah, eww...but 'cycle' sounds nice...like a washing machine or a relaxing bike ride...I digress though...) Seriously, why do y'all always feel the need to drop knowledge about that? Detailed descriptions of uterus walls and cramps and all that...I don't wanna know, I have no reason to know...please keep that to yourself or talk to a female.

And another thing, I'm not going out to get you no damn pads either. I'm proud to say the only pads I ever touched were under my football uni...and whenever I caught a cramp (in my leg or something, smartass...) my coach would tell me to walk it off. With thanks to Coach Leary, I think that's good advice, and that's why I offer it to you too. Walk it off to Rite Aid and fix yourself, plznthanku. We're responsible for condoms because only we need them...and that's why y'all are responsible for y'all own drip catchers and flow corks and shit. Yeah, it's that serious.

The most common rebuttal I get when I say these things to a chick after the 1st time she tells me all that shit I don't wanna know is "Oh, well you're gonna have a daughter one day, blahblahblah..." Cool...but where's her mom? Aunt? Girl cousins? Any of them know way more than I ever will about riding the tide...why would she ask me? If she wants to know how to throw a spiral pass or how to make a grilled cheese sandwich with a iron (go 'head, ask...) I'll be happy to help her...but there ain't a whole lot I can tell her about that. If I bleed for 5 days, I'm gonna die, that's all I know.

To sum up, all I'm trying to say is I think females are great and their bodies are great too...I just don't need to know every single thing that goes on with them...seriously. How am I supposed to form an attractive picture of you if all I can picture is you with a wounded crotch? That's not sexy in the least, sorry. So...please, next time you think about tellin your boyfriend/male friend/anybody with balls how heavy your day is or how bad your cramps are...put a maxi pad in your mouth too...because sometimes that's the worst flow of all.

Love,

AJ (and most other dudes)